“He’d given this opportunity, and He will take this opportunity..”
What was I wishing for?
“I want lots of money to buy cars, house, travel around the world and bring fortunes to my families..! And then, I want to be loved..!”
I was so naived back then..
If I will be granted for something, I want to have a bloody cold-hearted who had loss her sensational to be loved.
They said love is beautiful, but I ruined everything. I make myself being cynical to love because I had been in loved to someone who are getting more and more full of pride.
Now, I take everything I had said before, and I want them on my shelves so that I can laughed it out as someday when I meet up a better person. Someone that can treats me for what I deserved. Someone who can valued me for who I am.
I reasoned, as I was getting into bed, I recited a doa,
“In the name of Allah, I shall live and die. And in the name of Allah, I shall love my husband.”
My heart was pounded with this doa,
“At last, those time has come.. This real feeling is deserved for my husband, and I should not dwelling with someone who doesn’t want to grow and live with me..
If I was brave enough to let it in, I am brave enough to let it go now..”
I had been giving him so many chances, but he slipped them away. Instead, he made me looks desperate and shameless for almost everytime…
My heart could only cry and cry for almost everytime we had a bad time, and then I had to settle up by myself..
I was always had a trust on him, “he is not that bad, he was just been discreet. He will come up for something.”
But, he won’t showed up to confront me. Always discreet.. Played safe and enjoyed the show with his own boring life.. Then he left me alone guessing for everything and exhausting my soul..
My heart was likely to tell that he doesn’t even trust for what my heart could do..
Keeping me waiting for too long. Maybe, for him, it’s still not long enough coz he’s already got for what he wants, his rainbows. No wonder my trust to him was faded..
As he never did anything as alibi making me fall for him, thus, it was my faults for falling to him, and he has no responsible for this feelings. I had to pick myself up like for everytime, again.
Maybe he doesn’t even read this entry because he was been intimidated for what I did…
To round up, I only could see in our photos as,
“It was beautiful… but I feel ashamed to myself right now. And why I don’t hate him..?”
Anyways… I want him to be happy with his own choice. And I don’t want getting his ways anymore.
Those rejections he had made.. maybe his heart was at ease…
.. Thank you for everything. So.. As if letting you go can make you happy, then I would be delighted to leave you alone..
At least.. That’s the love I could give to you…
Well, there’s nothing to lose in here, and I just want to listen to this dark song from The Eagle (Hotel California). I can relate their lyrics to myself and to somebody out there.. maybe. It was like as I can swim further deep inside into this song…
What I could explained in my own literature about this song is the tune wondering inside a very kind person who’d lost, and searching for hope in the desert place. Who would love staying for too long in that kind of place anyway? Unlikely you’re like a bushman in The God Must Be Crazy.
So, there was a Hotel California, a place of highest ranking, but yet, what’s the possible things going to happens inside those hotel.
How come a person could ignored those opportunity to cure the deserted feeling inside him/her. So, he/she bravely took those chance by check-in into those hotel, and he/she was indeed dancing in the hotel with everyone else.
“Some of them were dancing to remember and some of them were dancing to forget.”
Well, those nights were resembled to the Night Fever..
A plot twist happened in those lovely place,
He/She saw something terribles at the back inside of the hotel. No need for me to explain what’s happened.. He/she must escaped from those hotel… And yet, he/she must joined them for the feast as…. So, that was the last thing he/she could remember..
This could be just like in the social medias.. It is addictive & most of the things had to go through approval from the netizens, gosh.. No difference than a prisoner.
Yes, it was very unfortunate, and we were too late to turn back time and fixed everything.. Unless, you can come out for something,
Maybe, bringing out the courage inside you getting into the unknown.. And forget those feast, coz you are singing this song right now telling a story.